A Bit of Rant

I'm gonna rant a bit today. Consider yourself warned.

"What is she 'gonna' rant about?" he wondered to himself.

Don't you hate that "wondered to himself"? Come on! How else do you wonder? Have you ever "wondered to" somebody else? Adding "to himself" just means you threw two unnecessary words on the page.

"Never thought about that," he chuckled.

May I ask how you chuckle words? What happens if your tongue slips while chuckling big words like "contrariwise" or "enunciation" - do you choke?

"I see what you mean," he smiled.

You just did it again! How does one smile words? It must be very hard to get thick words through your thinly-spread lips and closed teeth.

"You are ruining my fun," he said. "....Are you happy now? I used 'said'!"

Actually, no. Without proper context, how am I to know how you said it? That sentence doesn't define itself. Did you growl it? Whine it? State it? I don't know much about you - how do I know how those words came out?

Now, if you had said "Come over here, Amber," and there was nothing in the previous text to indicate that you were upset with me, I could assume you just "said" it. But if you added an exclamation point, you must - again - define if you shouted, screamed, or cried the words. Context is everything.

Dialogue is big, important stuff. Absolutely essential. But so are the words that come after it! Please, please, please, don't give yourself away as an amateur writer by putting the wrong words there. Characters do not:

chuckle words,
smile words,
laugh words,

They can, however:

cry,
scream,
whisper,
shout,
breathe,
state,
huff,
proclaim,
...and a multitude of other things, along with the ever-important "said."

Of course, our characters do chuckle, smile, and laugh. They just don't speak it. (If you disagree, try it yourself.)

So be sure to separate the two. Put the words; "I think I get this" then a period; "." (NOT a comma!) then "he laughed."

Easy.

Now you have no excuse if you write something impossible, like, "It's no big deal," he laughed.

But wait a minute! If I write "'It's no big deal,' Harold said," how do I convey that laughing tone of voice that he's using?

Talent, my friends! Talent!

Without those crutches, you'll have to show Harold's emotions with the words he says, not you say. You'll have to convey it with his actions, not your descriptions. Use laughing words, and punctuation that shows how he's catching his breath and doubling over. For that matter, mention that he's doubling over, and his eyes are crinkled up, and his missing teeth are showing. If all else fails, just say "Harold laughed loudly."

There is some gray area, though. For example, two words I'm not sure on are "groaned" and "sighed." Can you groan words? Or sigh them? What do you think?

Oh yeah - there's another thing that bugs me.

"Laughing loudly," is fine.

"Screaming loudly," is not.

How else do you scream?

Whispered quietly?
Flew quickly?

The only time you need modifiers like this is when the context demands it. For example, "laughed joyfully" is usually redundant and unnecessary. However, if up until now the character has been laughing wryly and sarcastically, a bit of explaining is due.

Leave your "ing" and "ed" words alone unless context demands you explain that they aren't laughing joyfully, flying quickly, running quickly, standing erectly, etc.

....And my pizza dough is finished rising, so I must abruptly end my ranting, and bid you farewell.

Do you write or do you WRITE?

We writers are a strange lot.

There. I just had to say that.

But, really, we are. We talk so much about how we love to write. We can discourse on our latest project. We can tell stories of past plans. Someone mentions that "stack of stories I've started but never finished," and we all groan in unison and knowing sympathy. We talk an awful lot about how we love to write.

...But do we actually write?

It ought to be top on the list of "hindrances to writing." We just don't write. We do everything but write. We go to the library to "research." We brainstorm on a scrap of paper. We discuss ideas with friends. But it takes a lot to get us to sit down and write.

But that's what separates the true writers from the wanna-bes. We all know that person who is constantly talking about "their book," but never progressing. We silently sigh inside, and know they are never going to finish it. They've been working on chapter one for four years...once every three months, for about two days straight. Then the inspiration dies, and they push the work to the side.

Do you really want to be one of those? Is writing just a hobby you tinker with, or are you committed to it? You've gotta know. If God has made you a writer, you are out of His will until you get about the business of honoring the talent He put in you, and directing it to His service. If you are only playing with writing, you are wasting precious time and thought in something that isn't meant for you. Get busy doing what you are meant to do.

I'm not saying you shouldn't learn to write. Everybody should learn to write, just like everybody should learn to speak. But don't fool yourself into thinking you are going to finish that book someday and become a published author if you don't have a level of commitment that goes beyond the person who "likes writing." You've gotta do better than that. You've gotta have drive, buddy. There never was a great book written that didn't have sweat-stained pages.

True writers make themselves write. They have dedication. They are always moving, progressing, learning, changing. They aren't a stagnant pond - they are a living, flowing, body of water, whether they be a minuscule creek or a raging river. They are clean, and they are alive.

So, I ask you - which are you? Are you truly a writer? Did God put that in you? If He did, are you using that? Are you working? Are you striving? Stop the playing! This is real life. You've got a mission. You're blessed to be asked to do something you love. So love your work, but do work.

Wow, am I feeling convicted.